The Wrong Kind of Type – Blog#8

I never once felt ashamed of being who I am or ever felt that the color of my skin would detract me from achieving my goals. In fact, I get pretty flattered by a lot of the stereotypes that get directed at me. People always tell me “I love your hair, it’s so straight, I am so jealous and I wish I had your hair”. My hair never gets frizzy. It only gets straighter in the humidity.

 

Just today someone said “Are you on the deans list because you’re Asian”? Ironically, there was a Latino student right next to me who had all straight A’s and a 4.0 GPA. Mine is only 3.40 and I don’t even have all straight A’s. But for some odd reason she completely ignored the fact that he was the better student. Last semester someone was asking me for help on a math problem and I am beyond awful in math. As she was asking me this question I thought I was suppose to pull chop sticks out on my book bag and use it to write class notes, or throw soy sauce all over the table, or that I should have been playing the violin when she asked me if I could help her out.

 

But I digress; now this is where everything comes together for my story. Just last week I found out two white people in my building complex didn’t have to do a credit check to get their apartment. I found this to be very peculiar. Because I had to not only do a credit check, I had to provide my pay stubs from work, a letter from my employer with the company logo on it stating that I worked there, and a reference. I asked these two white people if they had to do the same thing, they both answered NO. Now one of the girls makes less money then me and the other one is actually unemployed. I guess my super feels a need to jam white folks in the building to perpetuate the status quo or for whatever reason. I’ve only paid rent late twice in the 5 years that I have been in the building. One of the girls has bounced numerous checks and actually always pays 2 weeks after the rent is due. As for the girl who is unemployed…don’t even get me started! Why did this happen?

The Only Time I Approve of the Local – Blog#7

I love the winter time and I think the world is so beautiful when it’s snowing. If you take a step back and actually admire the scenery, it’s as if you’re trapped in a snow globe. And if you happen to see it that way, it’s quite a beautiful way to view your life. Winter, Fall, and Spring is probably one of my favorite seasons. I could pass on summer. As much as I love snow, I also find myself at certain times wishing it was a bit warmer. It doesn’t take an extremely long time before summer starts reeling in its ugly head. But when the summer finally arrives it can be a cruel joke played by Mother Nature. Gawd…she can be such a BITCH sometimes! This whole week has been about hardcore humidity, no breeze, frizzy hair, scorching heat from the sun, thunderstorms that don’t really seem to be happening, and sweating in places you thought sweating wasn’t even possible. Ughhh…just gross.

 

The reason I am writing this is because I love my express train. It gets me where I have to be in half the time. But on days where the weather is this cruel you kinda just have to take the first train that comes, even if it’s a local train. I’d prefer to be sitting in an air conditioned environment rather then sweating bullets like some sauna on the train platform. So on occasions like this its best to take whatever train comes first.

…This Time Around – Blog#6

I know some people will find this to be very corny, but I really enjoy school. I never thought I would say that in a million years, but it’s true. I don’t dislike my job, but at the same time I feel I could be doing something more meaningful and artistic, something worth wild. Sitting at a desk from 9 to 5 isn’t exactly what I had in mind. The ironic thing is I always told myself “If I get the 9 to 5 gig, everything will be ok”. In the end it didn’t turn out the way i had pictured everything to be. Of course the best thing would be to get paid for doing something artistic and creative and make a nice living off of it. But I can’t get there unless I am here first. The thing I look forward to the most about my day is attending class. It truly is the highlight of my day. I constantly get asked “How on earth did you crunch in 15 credits on Saturday and Sunday and still maintain a full time job”? Then I get “I don’t even have a job and I can barely handle my 12 credits”. 15 is the standard so it’s not that bad. Today I got another shocked impression when I said “I’m taking 17 credits in the fall”. And the answer is NO, I am not a geek. At least I do not consider myself one.

 

I had a really nice conversation with 2 classmates of mine on my way home, named B&N. It was probably one of the best conversations that I have had with people in quite some time. All 3 of us had one thing in common and that was to finish school. Rather then spend the summer doing trivial meaningless things, we all decided to brave the heat wave that Manhattan offers during the summer and spend it doing something valuable. It’s no secret that all 3 of us were not exactly in our teens anymore. But that’s what makes our experience so unique.

 

On the subway ride home I realized how my choice of attending school now has not only been a wise decision but has also been one of the best experiences of my life. Granted I didn’t get to graduate with everyone else that I knew growing up and walk down the aisle at the age of 22 like everyone else. I find who I am now to be so much rewarding then who I was when I was 18. I attended college for exactly 4 weeks after high school wrapped up. I left and never came back. I found my old college schedule the other day when I was cleaning my apartment and couldn’t believe I still had it with me. I looked at it. The year was 2000 and I didn’t even notice I was taking 2 remedial classes and I didn’t even know it till I looked carefully at the schedule. Then I realized I wasn’t even getting credit for any of those 2 classes. What a joke, huh? When I took that entrance examine I didn’t take it seriously. I thought I was taking it because the school wanted to see where each student was. I was under the impression that college doesn’t have silly classes like math, reading, and writing. Boy was I wrong. I look at that schedule and I think about that 18 year old kid with big dreams and silly hope in his eyes and I don’t even know who he is anymore. It’s hard to even fathom the concept that I was that person many moons ago. That dreamer still exists but a realist has also entered the picture to keep things in check.

 

I left campus that summer and told myself it would be temporary and that I’d come back after a 1 semester sabbatical. I felt like I needed time to find out exactly who I was and save up some money in the process. That 1 semester off pact that I made with myself, ended up being a 7 year vacation. I told myself repeatedly after each summer came to a close, that in the 1^st week of September I would be back in school, running around from class to class, and carrying a heavy text book. But my forecast never came true. In some aspects I regret it and in some aspects I do not. At 18 I think I had a pretty good understanding of what was going on around me. But I was also clueless to a certain extent and didn’t have any direction. The fact that I was taking 2 remedial classes and didn’t even know it till a few weeks ago is a pretty good indication of how oblivious to things I was. I was taking classes that I was told to take, not because I knew I had to take it or because I wanted to. I probably would have never taken any of my classes seriously back then because I was always happy just getting a passing grade. That isn’t who I am anymore. I don’t want a passing grade so I can get by; I want an A+ because I worked hard for it. I don’t just want to settle for the sake of settling anymore, I want it all.

 

Things are different now and I’m different. It took a callous dose of the Real World medicine to help me wake up. The school I currently attend gets a negative wrap by some of the attendees and people that never even went to the school, they just like to criticize. I actually enjoy my school a lot. I think it has a great cast of characters and that’s exactly what anybody needs in an environment where you can express yourself artistically. It’s an eclectic bunch. I haven’t always made the right decision but I think I did myself proud this time. Everything is seen in a different light, and a different angle now, and I appreciate the experience so much more now then I could never have had before. I also really enjoy the people I surround myself with on campus. That’s what makes it so much more special…This Time Around.

DAMN YOU – Blog#5

A journal entry of mine that i wanted to share with everyone:

 

Every time I see your face

I am reminded

Every time I see your eyes up close

I am reminded

I’ve tried to not let it get to me

But it always does

The sweet nothings of having you near

Every time I was down

You were suppose to bring me up

But instead you did the complete opposite

You act like the ones that just BURN me

Don’t you see me?

Don’t you see me yet?

Every time I did something to defy the laws of what is right when I was growing up

Is because I wanted you to see me

I did it to see if you knew i was even there

I did what’s wrong so you could show you cared

I’m standing right here

I’m standing right here next to you

Don’t you see me yet?

I know you see me

But you have such an elegant way of making me feel invisible

But do you really see me?

Every time I see your face

I am reminded

Every time I see your eyes up close

I am reminded…

…Of what a disgrace I am to you.

The Awful Lies That Create Poor Social Order – Blog#4

A journal entry of mine that I wanted to share with everyone:

 

What is the Best Kept Secret?

Is it that butch lesbian’s wear boy’s underwear?

Or maybe it’s a man that designs the lingerie lineup at Victoria’s Secret?

Perhaps it’s that Eddie Murphy is really gay and is f*cking Johnny Gill from the singing group New Edition, who just happens to be living in his backyard, and that’s why Ms. Tracy Edmunds ditched him on their wedding day.

 

I think the best kept secret is that religion is just a bunch of made up hocus pocus nonsense.

 

If you’re a normal human being that knows how to differentiate the rational from the irrational, then how on earth can a woman by the name of the Virgin Mary have a baby without sexual intercourse with a man?

 

I don’t think they had a turkey baster back in the old days, so I highly doubt that she ran to her neighbor’s home and asked him if she could borrow some of his sperm so that she could inject it inside of herself and then magically pop out a baby that had a peculiar way of thinking which would lead him to telling everyone that he is God’s son which in turn sent him to his doom.

 

Magic powers do not exist. So was Mary on some sort of controlled substance or narcotics when she went to Jesus’ grave and he wasn’t there? The next thing you know she is claiming she saw him rise out of his tomb and into the sky.

 

Mary is a great example of social order, stability, and guidance that has been passed down from generation to generation to keep young girls from getting pregnant at a young age. In some ways it has worked. Many Christians do believe in waiting to have sex after they are married. Bad cliché but, you take the car out for a test drive before you buy it. Look at Jessica Simpson.

 

The bible was written a long time after Jesus had died. The bible is a man made scripture. Who is to even believe that its stories are the truth or even accurate for that matter? If I’m sitting in a circle with 30 people and I tell 1 person a secret and then instruct that individual to pass my secret along until it hits the 30^th person in the circle, I can guarantee that my secret, which the 30^th person would reveal to everyone in the room, will sound completely different then what I told the initial person.

 

The world has evolved so much and has come such a long way. On some level everyone is scared of dying, some more then others. Men and women will always fear death. How does soceity view death in a way where it’s not made to be so painful? What did society create in people’s heads to make them think, that when you’re in so much pain, on your death bed, that there is a happy ending after you’re gone? Could that made up place be called heaven? Isn’t it a nice thought that a place that signifies the word “Bliss” actually exists?

 

Let’s say hypothetically that a scientist proved there was no GOD. He went through extensive research; he flew around the clouds and found no magical spirit flying in the sky. A scientist was finally able to prove a higher order doesn’t exist. I am sure a lot of people would start acting crazy and stop acting so civil in the way they have been for most of their life.

 

Religion is another perfect example of an awful lie that has created poor social order. The whole point of religion is to have a set of values and norms to live by. In the end the world has so many different religious denominations. Who is to say that my religion is the right one and that my religion is better then your religion? Religion is supposed to bring you peace and happiness and in the end it only does the complete opposite.

 

Take the war in Iraq. If a soldier was asked in 2002 why he went to war his answer would be totally different now if he was asked the same question. The war secretly has an underlying theme. That theme is religion.

 

There have been so many epic battles throughout recorded history. If you look at a lot of those wars you will find that the majority of them were all religion based wars. Once again, the one thing that is suppose to bring you so much peace, comfort, and happiness only ends up doing the complete opposite.

 

I had a former acquaintance of mine who was a hardcore born again Christian. She kept saying “I’m holy and I’m this and I believe in God and I don’t do bad things”. One summer she was moving out of her mothers place and into a new apartment. But it was a 2 bedroom on a 5 floor walk up, which meant she needed a room mate. She asked a guy who she had dated a few years back and he was looking to relocate to New York from Delaware. How ironic? This was the perfect coincidence and twist of fate that would result in a positive action for both. Since she was already in New York the apartment was so much more accessible to her then it was to him. She started to move little knick knacks to her new place over the weekend before the move in date. When the official move in day finally approached he was in shock that her belongings were already occupying one of the rooms. She picked her room without even discussing it with him. They split the rent 50/50, right down the center. Nobody pays more and nobody pays less. But someone is getting less space and someone is getting more space. But neither one is paying more for that extra space and neither one is paying less for the lesser space. If you didn’t guess she picked the bigger room and he got the smaller room that could barely fit his TV in. She also forced him to sell his TV to the movers on their move in day. She thought the bigger your TV is the smaller your brain is. That TV was brand new only a few months old and he sold it to the movers for $50.00. He paid a lot more then $50.00. He moved out before his lease was even up and they no longer speak. He even told me how he loathes her and regrets the day they even met. Now for someone who is a Christian and is so holy, she sure has a strong way of making somebody hate her. Once again the one thing that is suppose to bring you so much happiness only ends up doing the complete opposite.

 

Why is it, that it’s always the people who are suppose to be so holy, the ones that never end up that way at all?

Close Your Mouth, Close Your Legs – Blog#3

I love equality. I do not believe in inequality. I believe everyone has the right to be treated equal. But no matter how many times you try and tell yourself that this is true, there is no denying that men and women will always be 2 different beings that have very similar body parts.

 

Ironically every woman I have encountered all say “Its time for a female president”. Yet when asked who they voted for, none of them said Hilary. I believe you should vote for a candidate based on what they stand for and not who they are. Those are 2 different things incase you didn’t know. Nobody should be voting for someone based on gender anyways.

 

If there is one saying that you can remember for the rest of your life, one saying that will help you make sense of madness let it be “Close your mouth, Close your legs”. No woman should ever feel the answer to their problems is finding a man. No woman should ever feel that it’s a man’s obligation to take care of her. You should be independent and know that you are GREAT just the way you are and having a man is just something that is apart of your life, not what makes your life.

 

A guy friend of mine told me that he has been dating the same girl for the past 3 years and she desperately wants to move in with him. She has also never had a job before until they started dating & he forced her to get a job. Her life had no direction before they met. Having no direction is fine but atleast have a form of income when you have no direction. She realized after begging non stop for 1 year straight that he is never going to propose. If he doesn’t want to marry you in the beginning, he never will. So she thought the answer was to get pregnant. She felt that was her only option to keep him close. Thank goodness that he is smart enough to use condoms. Its nothing worse then a guy who is completely P**SY Whipped and cant see the light. The next thing you know he will be stuck with a screaming, whining, complaining, controlling cry baby for the rest of his life and I don’t mean the kids.

 

This girlfriend (shopping partner) of mine has been on Match.Com for over 2 years. The 1^st guy she found was really into her. In the beginning of their dating stage she use to command his attention, suggest what places to eat, pick a time to hang out, and had the guy calling her cell phone non stop. One day she decided to finally sleep with him, and after they were done she never saw him again. This happened to all the guys she met on the site for the next 24 months. All with the exact same patterns. All the men later revealed that she was no longer a challenge and that they finally got what they wanted. Now they are all moving onto their next victims.

 

Bare in mind that women control the pace of the relationship. In the beginning she will have all the power. But at one point in the relationship no matter what she does she will eventually lose all her power. Her power is the control that she has over the guy. She will surrender that power once the relationship progresses.

 

No man should ever know that his girlfriend burps, farts, douches, or has hair in places she shouldn’t. If he knows all the work and effort that you put in to getting ready for him you will immediately lose your power. He will always know that he has you wrapped around his finger. So do all you can to make him believe that you were built flawless and that you didn’t work to get there.

 

Have you ever found yourself hanging out with a guy, watching a movie, hanging out at his place & eventually meeting his parents? Do not confuse that with love, you 2 are just hanging out. You are not a couple.

 

What would happen to Snow White if Prince Charming never showed up? Would she have woken up, spit out the apple, get a job at a fortune 500 company along with medical coverage, and then move into a studio apartment in the West Village?

 

A man never sleeps with a woman thinking that in 20 years he will have access to her pension and a woman shouldn’t think that way either about a man. A woman will play the role of care taker, mother, personal chef, nanny, and prostitute to her boyfriend but if she has nothing legally binding their marriage together she walks away with nothing but 2 kids. Once again “Close your mouth, close your legs”.

 

Why is it when a man is 40 years old and is in the prime of his life that he can get any 20 year girl with a snap of his fingers? While his x wife is saddled with 2 kids, wrinkles, and breasts that are gonna hit the floor any day now thanks to gravity.

 

Donald Trumps wife is a big prostitute. She is the perfect example of a pretty girl marrying an ugly man for his money and so were his previous 2 wives.

 

How come there are so many unavailable men yet there are so many single women? Have you ever stopped to think if men think the same way about you? Do they stop and think “How come there are so many unavailable women yet there are so many single men”? If you’ve asked yourself that question and a man has never thought that then you will know that you do not need Prince Charming.

The Myth of Degrees – Blog#2

In your life you will no doubt come across many people, people that you will inadvertently become friends with. Some friendships will always be more meaningful then others. Remember that you will always have your “In group”, which is the social group that you belong to. Then there is your “Reference Group”. The Reference Group is the group of people that you aspire to become. And just like that you have classified your own self. But classification begins when you are first born into the world. Whether you want to believe it or not you are automatically classified by who you are just from the neighborhood that you grew up in. If you tell people you grew up in Manhattan, people will always automatically perceive you as someone who has lived a privileged life style and someone who comes from money. If you tell someone you grew up in Manhattan but in the Inwood section of the city, you will get a totally different reaction then the first response. Do not interpret what I say as stereo typing it is called “Social Norms”. It is also something that Sociologist have studied for many years and after extensive research it has been proven that my statement is a fact.

You will always have more things in common with the “In Group” then with the “Reference Group”.  So why is, it that everyone in my “In Group” has a college degree but me and for some strange reason they all make less money then me? Am i secretly aspiring to become a part of a group that I’m already in but my friends make less money then me? Am i secretly above the folks in my “In Group”? So who exactly is inspiring who here? My neighbor that lives in a studio downstairs makes a few thousand less then I do. But she is 10 years older them me, has a degree, and also went to law school. She is constantly broke after paying rent. She finds that at the 1^st of the month she has nothing left in her checking account till the next pay period (Which is 2 weeks away). Why is that? I can list 10 people off the top of my head that make less money then me and have a degree. Some of these people have gone to law school, some have not 1 but 2 degrees, and others have a master’s degree and no matter what degree they have it still can’t bring their annual salary to hit above the 45K mark. Why is that?

I met a girl in my social science 100 class and she told everyone in the 1^st week of class that she has 2 degrees from NYU but could not land a job. She thought the problem was that she needed more schooling. So she decided to become a professional student and attend another school in order to get another degree so that she can finally one day land a job. She is single, still living with her parents, and is hitting 30 this year. On top of all that she owes the IRS money for lying on her tax return. How much more school will she need before she can finally make over $10.00 an hour?

I met a nice cab driver once who lost all his hair even though he is only in his early 30’s. He was a very nice guy who could not stop talking and told me he loves throwing hot sauce on chicken wings. After pumping me non stop for information he finally revealed he had a degree in “Computer Programming”. He drives a cab for a living, still lives with his parents, and just had an arranged marriage last year to a woman from India who wants nothing to do with him. He told me after he pays for renting the yellow cab and paying for gas he will be lucky if he even takes home $100.00 for the day. Why is that?  

Is “The Myth of Degrees” true? Will all your dreams finally become reality when you graduate and you have that diploma in your hand to solidify and validate that you are finally a,”Somebody”? Or will everything become the complete opposite and you find yourself waking up one day and you are in your 40’s still living with your parents? Will you someday have a nice shiny diploma hanging on the wall in an expensive picture frame and have it not mean a thing? If someone is graduating next May please let me know if this is true or false. We can touch base in 1 year from May of 2009 and see who is making more money. Maybe that is the whole purpose of a high school reunion, so that you can make complete fools of yourselves.

I have social gatherings with my friends and we all swap true life stories. I can go on tons of interviews and get rejected 10 times in a row and feel perfectly fine with it. Always know that after every rejection you will eventually find somebody that will say YES and hire you. My friends give up hope after 2 interviews. They can’t stand the critique and they can’t handle the word “NO” or “You didn’t get the job”. The last thing they can’t really stand is sitting in front of a computer applying for a job. If you never try how are you going to get anywhere? For me, i see it as a great positive way to brush up on my interview skills regardless of how many times you get rejected. You will no doubt meet a handful of very interesting cast of characters on your many interviews in the field. But every encounter will only help you enhance your communication skills. You will quickly learn what to say and how to say it in order to keep the interviewees attention. I also believe in trying harder then the ones who do have a degree. If my competition has something that I do not possess you can guarantee that I will bust my ass twice as hard as them just to stay in the game.

I can’t think of one thing in my life that I have wanted more in the past 12 months then getting my degree and finally getting that satisfaction that I so crave, that feeling which lets me know that I am not inferior to everybody else. It’s a shame that I need a piece of paper to make me feel better about myself. I hope in the end it is truly worth it because I refuse to end up like the people in my “In Group” which should now fall under the “Secondary Group”. 

 

The Tuition Journey

This is it; this is my last summer to get things in order. I plan on graduating next May along with everyone else. I refuse to stay a semester longer than I have to. The only way for me to graduate on time is to pick up 6 credits for the summer, 17 in the fall, and 17 again for the spring 2009 semester. I can honestly say that this past semester’s 15 credits really drove me over the edge. I thought I could handle it but in the end I only felt over stressed. I felt emotionally drained when the finals were finally over. My long journey to completing my educational goals has been a huge struggle.

 

Just today I decided to drop one of my English courses so I could pick another English course in its place and the class is at the exact same time and the exact same days, but instead of 3XX it would be 311. This whole ordeal has created nothing but drama for me. The registrars’ office wanted me to shell out an additional 50% of what I already paid so that I could satisfy the billing requirement for dropping a class and substituting it with another. What ever happened to even exchanges? I couldn’t believe all this drama was happening. And because of this I had leave work early to get this situation resolved. For some strange reason nobody at the registrars’ office was answering their phone today. The registrars’ office decided to cut off all forms of communication when the first 2 weeks of school are in session.

 

I attended my 1^st summer class yesterday, got a copy of the syllabus, and purchased my text book. I swiped my credit card without even looking at the price tag nor was I paying attention to the amount on the receipt as I was signing it. I use to sign my credit card receipts with such class & elegance. As the years have gone by all I do is swipe and go. I scribble nonsense with a pen when signing my receipts. But despite my scribbling of nonsense I always add an artistic flare to it. I am sure my scribble on a beautiful white back drop of a canvas would be considered an artwork of master piece like proportions in other countries or some trendy art gallery in Soho. My no fuss no musk attitude with my signatures has become my alma mater.

 

Back to my original story, this changing of classes which I thought could be done with a few simple clicks of my mouse turned out to be the complete opposite. Nobody in the school today seemed to be answering their emails. It seemed the only way to see results was to show up in person (Which I was trying to avoid). Having a full time job makes coming to campus very hard anytime before 6pm. I had the perfect schedule last semester. 15 credits and I knocked everything out on Saturday and Sunday.

 

Today has truly been an adventure. I run to this office only to get directed to another office and when I finally think I am in the right office I am told to see someone else. I am glad things with my tuition were resolved because I refuse to shell out any more hard earned money for school. There was only one last trip left that was needed to finalize my horrendous excursion around Manhattan and that was to return the text book I brought yesterday. If I had returned the book tomorrow I would be charged a 25% restocking fee. A 25% restocking fee on a used book? I doubt the cashier will be running to the stock room so she could reseal my text book in plastic wrapping before she put it back out on the sales floor. All this took place in Manhattan summer weather and all it did was make me crave for some nice air conditioning.